Post by John Darnacan on Aug 25, 2005 2:38:10 GMT
Hi,
Just by chance, I came across an old post I had posted on OG, as part of a round robin story. As you'll see, I posted it shortly after the collapse of the BBCi Fan Fiction board, not long after the announcement of the new series. It breaks the fourth wall, and I included some posters as characters.
The scene takes place in a pub....
Meanwhile in the back room, Michael Grade looked on in shock at Emily B in bondage. The ex-BBCi Fan Fiction Gang all gasped in unison. (Which isn't as easy to do as one might think, especially if you don't have time to practice.) Quickly, two young men grabbed him. Grade recognised them as Oldmankrondas and Baysan Tulu. As he surveyed the small crowd, Grade realised he had forgotten how diverse a group this was.
"What are you doing here?" demanded Timelord Dan. Grade just whimpered.
"Well, it looks like it's a two-fer night" grinned Graham King, as he surveyed their new prey.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, the Master surveyed the bizarre turn of events. Since this chaos was not of his own making, the Master decided to discreetly depart. He headed for the back door, brushing past Al, the plump, grizzled old owner of the establishment. The Master paused to look at him for a moment. There was something familiar about this wheezing geriatric, but he couldn't quite place the face.
He proceeded to make his exit, but mistakenly ended up in the back room.
"Ah, ex-BBCi Fan Fiction Gang. I see you've received my little present" the Master said, gesturing to Michael Grade. He surveyed the gang and saw so many refugees from the now-defunct 'Time&Space' board. His eyes came to rest on one in particular, Andrea Corker. He walked toward her.
"I am the Master" he said in his most hypnotising voice.
"I'm sorry, I only go for the Delgado version of you" Andrea announced.
"I knew that" replied the Master, in a low, embarrassed voice. The Master took out his tissue compressor.
"Wait a minute" interrupted Gary Miles. "I had the seventh Doctor holding the tissue compresser in the last scene. So, how could you have it now?"
"I.....I always carry a spare. That's it, I always carry a spare" he answered.
"Excuse me, but that seems awefully contrived" commented John Darnacan. The Master responded by pointing the tissue compressor at Darnacan. "Of course, I suppose it is somewhat plausable" Darnacan concluded.
The Master then changed some settings on the weapon. He pointed the compressor at his own chest and fired. The Master fell to the floor. His faced began to distort for several seconds, but his features soon stablised into a new aspect.
"That's amazing" cried Andrea. "He looks exactly like Roger Delgado!" The Master's eyes opened.
"Yes, my dear. It's an example of reverse-regeneration" explained the Master. He turned. "I assume this meets with your approval, Mr. Darnacan?"
"Whatever you say" answered Darnacan.
"It certainly meets with mine" Andrea smiled.
"You know, my Tardis is only a block away".
"Let's go" agreed Andrea.
-------------------------------------------------------------
As Andrea and the Master passed through the front room, the Seventh Doctor and Adric were singing We all live in Yellow Submarine. Al, the oddly familiar owner of the pub, opened the door for the couple as they left.
"ALL RIGHT!!! sceamed Al. "I've had enough of this!"
"I don't blame you" answered Nyssa. "We meant put Adric back on the freighter hours ago".
"That's not what I meant!" Suddenly everyone was looking at the grizzled geriatric.
"Brigadier!" shouted the fifth and seventh Doctors with gleeful unison, in a way that seemed too practised.
"What happened to Doris?" asked the seventh Doctor.
'Divorced her. Caught her shagging Sgt. Benton in the cloakroom during a UNIT reunion. So after the divorce, I bought this pub for a change of pace".
"Does this mean we get drinks on the house?" asked Tegan.
"Oh, shut up, you rummey?" barked Lethbridge-Stewart.
"Pardon me, what are you so upset about? I mean besides Adric's singing." asked the fifth Doctor.
"All these bloody multiple Doctor stories! It's not bad enough that I've had to put up with you condescending smart-asses one at a time. I've had to live through all these d**n multiple Doctor stories". The apoplectic Lethbridge-Stewart had to sit down.
"First, I had to endure The Three Doctors, then The Five Doctors. Now, I'm in this bloody thing. Has anyone noticed that the only villian here was the Master? And he just walked out of here to live happily ever after! Thank god, they didn't drag me into The Two Doctors. At least, I didn't have to work with that buffoon in the clown suit".
At that moment, a blue police box materialised in the corner of the pub. The door opened, and out stepped the sixth Doctor.
"Hello Brigadier!"
"NO! I've had enough!" The elderly Lethbridge-Stewart grabbed the Master's first tissue compressor and shot the sixth Doctor.
At that moment, the seventh, eighth and ninth Doctors all ceased to exist. Everyone was in shock.
Just as suddenly, another Tardis materialised. Out stepped the first Doctor.
"Now, what have you done? Hmmm? inquired the first Doctor. "Quite a mess. Look at the depravity I'm going to be involved in. Hmmm? Makes me regret that I regrenerated" he mused, as he eyed the mauve-dressed Alzarian, and then turned to the fifth Doctor.
"What are you looking at me for? I didn't do it" whimpered the fifth Doctor.
"You've damaged the timestream."
"Is that what happened?" asked the Brigadier, looking at where the seventh Doctor was standing a moment ago. "I always thought that timestream business was just some rubbish you used to make me feel stupid."
"Well, it was" admitted the fifth Doctor. "Who knew there was really something to it?"
"So, what can we do?" asked the Brigadier.
"Well, my good fellow" explained the first Doctor. "We must interupt the timestream at an even earlier point".
'You mean I should shoot him?" he asked, gesturing at the fifth Doctor.
"Can I use this?" asked Ace, holding up a stick of dynamite. The fifth Doctor cringed in horror.
"No, no, no. As I understand it, this technicolor-coutured chap" continued the first Doctor, as he kicked the body of the dead sixth Doctor. "had his timestream previously interupted by a chap at the BBC, a villian by the name of Michael Grade. We must find this villian and eliminate him, if we are to reverse the situation".
"For once Doctor, it is I who have the solution" announced the Brigadier proudly. He went into the back room. There was a lot a shouting. Finally, the Brigadier's voice boomed "You've got Emily B to torture. That was the deal!" Lethbridge-Stewart dragged Grade before them by the collar.
The first Doctor nodded to the Brigadier, who then fired the weapon at Grade.
Suddenly, the sixth and seventh Doctors were alive again. However, by preventing the cancellation of the show, the tenth, eleventh and twelveth Doctors now appeared.
"Blast, more bloody Doctors" growled the Brigadier.
The biggest surprise was that the eleventh Doctor was a woman, a woman of great assets.
'Hello, my dear" said the first Doctor.
Post by John Darnacan: 15 May 2004 at 03:27 am.
Just by chance, I came across an old post I had posted on OG, as part of a round robin story. As you'll see, I posted it shortly after the collapse of the BBCi Fan Fiction board, not long after the announcement of the new series. It breaks the fourth wall, and I included some posters as characters.
The scene takes place in a pub....
Meanwhile in the back room, Michael Grade looked on in shock at Emily B in bondage. The ex-BBCi Fan Fiction Gang all gasped in unison. (Which isn't as easy to do as one might think, especially if you don't have time to practice.) Quickly, two young men grabbed him. Grade recognised them as Oldmankrondas and Baysan Tulu. As he surveyed the small crowd, Grade realised he had forgotten how diverse a group this was.
"What are you doing here?" demanded Timelord Dan. Grade just whimpered.
"Well, it looks like it's a two-fer night" grinned Graham King, as he surveyed their new prey.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, the Master surveyed the bizarre turn of events. Since this chaos was not of his own making, the Master decided to discreetly depart. He headed for the back door, brushing past Al, the plump, grizzled old owner of the establishment. The Master paused to look at him for a moment. There was something familiar about this wheezing geriatric, but he couldn't quite place the face.
He proceeded to make his exit, but mistakenly ended up in the back room.
"Ah, ex-BBCi Fan Fiction Gang. I see you've received my little present" the Master said, gesturing to Michael Grade. He surveyed the gang and saw so many refugees from the now-defunct 'Time&Space' board. His eyes came to rest on one in particular, Andrea Corker. He walked toward her.
"I am the Master" he said in his most hypnotising voice.
"I'm sorry, I only go for the Delgado version of you" Andrea announced.
"I knew that" replied the Master, in a low, embarrassed voice. The Master took out his tissue compressor.
"Wait a minute" interrupted Gary Miles. "I had the seventh Doctor holding the tissue compresser in the last scene. So, how could you have it now?"
"I.....I always carry a spare. That's it, I always carry a spare" he answered.
"Excuse me, but that seems awefully contrived" commented John Darnacan. The Master responded by pointing the tissue compressor at Darnacan. "Of course, I suppose it is somewhat plausable" Darnacan concluded.
The Master then changed some settings on the weapon. He pointed the compressor at his own chest and fired. The Master fell to the floor. His faced began to distort for several seconds, but his features soon stablised into a new aspect.
"That's amazing" cried Andrea. "He looks exactly like Roger Delgado!" The Master's eyes opened.
"Yes, my dear. It's an example of reverse-regeneration" explained the Master. He turned. "I assume this meets with your approval, Mr. Darnacan?"
"Whatever you say" answered Darnacan.
"It certainly meets with mine" Andrea smiled.
"You know, my Tardis is only a block away".
"Let's go" agreed Andrea.
-------------------------------------------------------------
As Andrea and the Master passed through the front room, the Seventh Doctor and Adric were singing We all live in Yellow Submarine. Al, the oddly familiar owner of the pub, opened the door for the couple as they left.
"ALL RIGHT!!! sceamed Al. "I've had enough of this!"
"I don't blame you" answered Nyssa. "We meant put Adric back on the freighter hours ago".
"That's not what I meant!" Suddenly everyone was looking at the grizzled geriatric.
"Brigadier!" shouted the fifth and seventh Doctors with gleeful unison, in a way that seemed too practised.
"What happened to Doris?" asked the seventh Doctor.
'Divorced her. Caught her shagging Sgt. Benton in the cloakroom during a UNIT reunion. So after the divorce, I bought this pub for a change of pace".
"Does this mean we get drinks on the house?" asked Tegan.
"Oh, shut up, you rummey?" barked Lethbridge-Stewart.
"Pardon me, what are you so upset about? I mean besides Adric's singing." asked the fifth Doctor.
"All these bloody multiple Doctor stories! It's not bad enough that I've had to put up with you condescending smart-asses one at a time. I've had to live through all these d**n multiple Doctor stories". The apoplectic Lethbridge-Stewart had to sit down.
"First, I had to endure The Three Doctors, then The Five Doctors. Now, I'm in this bloody thing. Has anyone noticed that the only villian here was the Master? And he just walked out of here to live happily ever after! Thank god, they didn't drag me into The Two Doctors. At least, I didn't have to work with that buffoon in the clown suit".
At that moment, a blue police box materialised in the corner of the pub. The door opened, and out stepped the sixth Doctor.
"Hello Brigadier!"
"NO! I've had enough!" The elderly Lethbridge-Stewart grabbed the Master's first tissue compressor and shot the sixth Doctor.
At that moment, the seventh, eighth and ninth Doctors all ceased to exist. Everyone was in shock.
Just as suddenly, another Tardis materialised. Out stepped the first Doctor.
"Now, what have you done? Hmmm? inquired the first Doctor. "Quite a mess. Look at the depravity I'm going to be involved in. Hmmm? Makes me regret that I regrenerated" he mused, as he eyed the mauve-dressed Alzarian, and then turned to the fifth Doctor.
"What are you looking at me for? I didn't do it" whimpered the fifth Doctor.
"You've damaged the timestream."
"Is that what happened?" asked the Brigadier, looking at where the seventh Doctor was standing a moment ago. "I always thought that timestream business was just some rubbish you used to make me feel stupid."
"Well, it was" admitted the fifth Doctor. "Who knew there was really something to it?"
"So, what can we do?" asked the Brigadier.
"Well, my good fellow" explained the first Doctor. "We must interupt the timestream at an even earlier point".
'You mean I should shoot him?" he asked, gesturing at the fifth Doctor.
"Can I use this?" asked Ace, holding up a stick of dynamite. The fifth Doctor cringed in horror.
"No, no, no. As I understand it, this technicolor-coutured chap" continued the first Doctor, as he kicked the body of the dead sixth Doctor. "had his timestream previously interupted by a chap at the BBC, a villian by the name of Michael Grade. We must find this villian and eliminate him, if we are to reverse the situation".
"For once Doctor, it is I who have the solution" announced the Brigadier proudly. He went into the back room. There was a lot a shouting. Finally, the Brigadier's voice boomed "You've got Emily B to torture. That was the deal!" Lethbridge-Stewart dragged Grade before them by the collar.
The first Doctor nodded to the Brigadier, who then fired the weapon at Grade.
Suddenly, the sixth and seventh Doctors were alive again. However, by preventing the cancellation of the show, the tenth, eleventh and twelveth Doctors now appeared.
"Blast, more bloody Doctors" growled the Brigadier.
The biggest surprise was that the eleventh Doctor was a woman, a woman of great assets.
'Hello, my dear" said the first Doctor.
Post by John Darnacan: 15 May 2004 at 03:27 am.
